Maybe I'll start with religion.  You see I was raised in a church that believes in the bible in it's entirety and one of the doctrines they promote, and which I have a deep respect for, is that one can get victory over the sin that lies in there nature.  By doing this you become one with God which is of course what everyone is striving for.  In the words of Einstein "...to know the thoughts of God."  Maybe it's due to this upbringing that I have virtually no respect for people who ask forgiveness for sins for which they have no intention of stopping to commit.  Forgiveness means that you are at least going to make an honest attempt to change.  Along with this doctrine however, was some interesting baggage.  For instance, dating was forbidden (it supposedly awakened sexual desires before there time), going to movies and listenning to "worldly music" was discouraged as well.  To be honest, I did try 2 different times to be converted.  In other words, turn my life around and live completely for Christ.  From my upbringing I have a much stricter interpretation of what it means to be a Christian than some people.  Now if I was to become a Christian again, I couldn't settle for some half hearted attempt because that's not what I respect.  Needless to say I eventually found myself falling away from the ideals I held so dear each time I tried to become a Christian.  One thing that the Church tought was that the Old Testament was to cleanse the outward revealling of sins whereas Jesus brought the New Testament to cleanse the inside as well, in other words to make your thoughts pure.

I like to think through thoughts to there source and it is surprising to find how many have an impure source.  Now here is the dilemna.  Was I committing a sin if I carried a thought pattern through just because my curious nature wanted to find out where it was coming and where it was going, or should I have quit thinking that thought at the first inkling that it might be an evil thought?  You see, I was never really sure whether I was committing sins in my thought life.  Add to this that I was allowed to do less than other people who called themselves Christians where allowed to do and you have recipe for disaster.  Eventually I reached the point where I felt like as is so poetically put in my favorite Smashing Pumpkins Song "despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."  In other words, it doesn't matter how hard I try, I can't change what I dislike about myself and I feel trapped.

What I realized then is that the road to happiness lay in changing my values.  For one thing, I said to myself, "Fuck all the mind games.  I'll only consider it a sin if I actually go out and act upon an evil thought."  This left me a lot more open minded, as so properly put in Metallica's Nothing Else Matters "open mind for a different view." Hence, for myself I rejected a lot of the New Testament doctrine.  Another thing I told myself is that, it's not wrong to party and live it up.  I can listen to heavy metal and chase women if I want to.  I'll only consider it a sin if my actions are hurting some one else or causing me to act irresponsibly.  For instance, it's not a good idea to party when you have to work early in the morning.

Now don't get me wrong.  I respect what my church tought me, and the reason for this is that I see it working for OTHERS making miraculuos changes in their life and they are becoming more like Christ.  It just didn't work for ME.  In other words, I believe the New Testament doctrine does work for many people and this is an undeniable fact.  I just don't believe that the Christian view point is the only valid one out there.  That is why I am still searching for what I believe.  This is why I find it fun and interesting to discuss topics of religion and philosophy becomes it can lead to a more enlightened viewpoint.